I never used to believe in the law of attraction. The law of attraction states that a person’s thoughts, both positive and negative, ultimately determine the course of said person’s life. Think common idioms like, “you are what you eat” or “you are what you attract.” Basically, your thoughts have the power to manifest your destiny.
Up until this year, I always brushed the idea off as something fake-woke people tossed around to make themselves sound like intellectuals. But after recently reflecting over my own life, there are certain periods of time I revisited that have me rethinking this law of attraction thing like, “yooooo…..”
I recently came across a post that said this while scrolling through Instagram:
“The only toxic relationship I ever had was the one I had with myself – everyone else was just a reflection of that.”
After a drawn out moment of going “hmmmmmmm….,” I decided that there’s indeed some truth to this statement. Being a huge believer in accountability, I was able to read this and think: “Yeah. I remained friends with that person because they were just as miserable as I was at the time;” “Yeah. I continued entertaining him and putting up with less than what I deserved because I didn’t think I was worth better;” “Yeah. I didn’t speak up for myself at work because I didn’t think I was powerful, capable, or smart enough.”
In turn, I began to think about how I’ve gotten myself out of the aforementioned and other toxic situations, relationships, and situationships. I realized that the law of attraction and a host of other things have helped change everything from my weight to my mindset for the better in the past. I’ve learned that when you truly want better, you do better, and you make zero room for excuses in getting where you want to be. And you can get there – no matter what. Point. Blank. Period.
You might be thinking, “But Jess, you make it sound so simple. How do I get from point A to point B and start living my best life?” Now I’m nobody’s life coach, and I don’t have all the answers, and I can still manage to get myself into some toxic, messy situations. But I have lived and learned a little bit, and I know that we all have power within ourselves to make a little (or a lot) of something happen when we want it bad enough. And I certainly know that until you step into your power, you will continually settle for less! And you’re too cute for that. So here are the steps I’ve taken to boss up and change my life, like Lizzo told us to. Take notes!
Reach a Breaking Point
You know the idea that things have to fall apart in order for them to fall together? It’s true! Whether it be you stepping on the scale and audibly gasping at the number, being tired of only seeing “bae” after dark, or being fed up with the mundane routine of your job, a breaking point must be reached in order for you to decide something must be done. But how? And what?
Decide What You Want
So you’re fed up. Now what? It’s time to form a plan of action! What went so wrong that you finally decided, “I’m done!” It’s time to review the situation, examine your MINDSET (hello, law of attraction) and choices, and get to the root of the problem in order to come up with ideal solutions. Visualize the life you want and write it down with an actual utensil. Pen to paper makes ish real!
Get Your Mind Right and Move Onward
Now it’s time to get to work, which is arguably the hardest part. You’ve decided you need to make a change and know the reasonable steps you need to take in order to make that change, but taking that first step forward? That’s a whole ‘nother story. In my life, I’ve found that this is especially true concerning dieting and weight loss. You can buy new, cute athletic wear, download the fitness apps, throw out the junk food and replace it with all things organic, search for top-of-the-line Nikes, blah-blah-blah. But if everything BUT your mind is made up? Be prepared to flop, sis.
And you will flop again and again until you have had a come to Jesus meeting with yourself about turning your situation around. Lifestyle changes are not linear. It may take five come to Jesus meetings within a three month time span. That’s why this step is the hardest. But when your mind is 150% made up after cycles of getting it wrong and you finally decide to take that leap of faith, I promise you’ll be unstoppable.
Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Don’t trip. You’re not going to turn your life around in a matter of 24 hours, and you’d be foolish to think you can. This is where you’ll have to extend grace to yourself – the same grace you extended that man you should’ve left in 2018. It’s possible to be a hot mess and masterpiece at the same time. Do whatever it takes to keep pressing forward on the tough days – those days where you feel you may relapse. Pick up a new hobby. Watch Disney+. Jog a mile. Read a book. You may still be wallowing in internal conflict, but at least you didn’t go back. *Kanye shrug emoji*
Ignore Negative Self Talk
So you’re beginning to make strides in your new life, thinking, “Ok, I got this now.” Don’t be shocked if (when) that little devil called imposter syndrome pops up on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, “Unblock him. You were better when you two were together;” “Remember how much fun you used to have with them? You don’t have the connections they have;” “Let her take credit for all your hard work. You don’t have the skills to see it through, anyway.” This is when you’ll have to tap into something you consider higher than yourself. It may be God. It may be Buddha. It may be a devotional. It may be the #SelfishBabe app. It may be your therapist. It may be crystals. It may be a stationery object – WHATEVER it is, do whatever you have to do to remember who YOU are. You got this!
Walk It Like You Talk It. Claim Your Space!
Finally, own yourself. The pretty and the not so pretty parts. You may not be where you want to be, but thankfully you’re not where you were. You’ve done the work and bossed up a particular part of your life. Self work is the most important work, and it’s never done. So pop open that bottle of Tequila Lizzo promised us and move on to the next piece of your greatest project – YOU!
X’s and O’s,